Ami (amielzbth) wrote,

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I seriously don't write much on here anymore.  All of my writing has gone to my grad school work.  My imagination is cut off and quite frankly I really couldn't give a shit.  I'm just not the same person I was back in 2002 when I started using this thing.  I've grown.  A lot.  I guess you can say I've just been through so much shit both good and bad (yes I'm using the word "shit" in a positive light).  I have also grown from these experiences.  (Run-on sentence about to happen folks) From dating a narcissist , ending that relationship, to letting a person I didn't really know move in with me in a my aunt's basement apartment and dealing with the consequences of that for about 6 years, to having an affair with a married man, ending that relationship, to ending up in the hospital from the worst bipolar episode that was triggered by said break-ups, to meeting my husband on craigslist, to getting my heart ripped out again, only to put it back in with scars and a much more realistic and honest view of life has really been a great part of my growth.

My husband and I have worked hard and 2015 may very well be the year of our best relationship with each other.  Its honest and true, and above all NOT A FAIRYTALE.  That makes it better.  It is also the reason we love each other so much.  We aren't perfect.  We're both pretty fucked up actually.  We also know this and admit it and work on ourselves for ourselves.  That makes it work even more.

My life has become a world that comes complete with scholarly and peer reviewed journals, graduate papers, final projects, and the endless search for a practicum site.  It is no longer JUST about my husband.  I did that a lot in the past with every relationship I was in. For once my life revolves around me.  It really does feel like taking a giant boulder off my shoulders for good.

So there you have it.  While I am thankful for the harsh lessons I have learned throughout my life, I am also thankful that they are in the past and no longer in the present.

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